My Experience: Being Mixed

I grew up in a small, predominately white town. By predominately white I mean there were maybe 2 or 3 black families in said town, one of which was my own family. My dad is from Barbados and my mom is white Canadian.

I was never dark skinned, always a light brown and even lighter as I grew up. This however did not shield me from the constant bullying and torment like people tend to assume it should. I remember junior kindergarten being the first time someone had referred to me as a nigger. A fellow classmate (I won't name him), only four years old, was the one who started it. I was teased, my hair was made fun of, and anyone who defended me met the same torment. I clearly remember a group of boys throwing my best friend into mud, in her pretty white dress, simply because she was friends with the black girl.

As I grew up these types of things never went away. In fact they got worse as I developed because my body type was not the same as the other girls. I wasn't thin, I was curvy. Another thing for them to use against me to make me feel like I didn't belong.

I even had an experience where a Native American girl called me a nigger. This was very shocking to me because she was about the same skin tone as I was, and was part of a group of people that should understand what it is like to be hated simply because of your roots.

The worst experience I have had though, has to be with girls who are black (not mixed). The things I have heard come out of the mouths of black girls has to be the most shocking for me. I guess I had a unrealistic idea in my mind about what it would be like to be around black girls. I assumed that they would be easier for me to get along with and would understand me. This was the furthest thing from the truth. Instead I was met with more bullying about sounding too white, dancing too white, being too light and not being "hood". It's baffling to me that they don't understand that just because we may have lighter skin and may be mixed with another race, we still have to face racism and struggles. People don't care how much black you have in you, they just care that you have any at all.

In this world it seems that if you are mixed race you find yourself not fitting in with either side. You're too white for the black people and too black for the white people. Even people who aren't trying to be rude have a way of making you feel like you don't belong by asking you things like, "What are you" or trying to guess what country you're from.

I'm about to turn 28 in May and I still really don't feel like I fit in with either part of me. I still struggle to check the "correct" race on surveys or applications because the majority don't offer a mixed race option. As the world continues to change and being mixed becomes more and more common I'm hoping that people's views change as well, though I don't believe it will happen in my lifetime.